When a pet dies
SeeSaw does not provide direct support for children and young people when they experience the death of an animal. However, we do recognise the significant impact it can have when a much-loved pet dies.
When a pet dies, it can bring a deep sense of sadness. For many families, daily routines change overnight. It can take time to adjust to your pet no longer being around.
It may also feel difficult to explain these feelings to others, especially if they have not had pets themselves. Although a pet is an animal, the bond a child has with them can be very strong. Sometimes this loss can feel even more significant to a child than the death of a relative and parents and carers can be surprised by how powerful their child’s reaction is.
Helping your child understand
If a pet is unwell, it can help to talk to your child about what is happening, using the facts you have at the time. When it becomes clear that your pet is going to die, you can gently prepare your child for this and offer them the opportunity to say goodbye, if they want to.
Try to answer questions as honestly as you can, using clear and simple language. You do not need to share every detail, but giving children as much age-appropriate information as possible helps them make sense of what is happening.
Using clear language is especially important. Saying that a pet has “died” or is “dying” is more helpful than phrases like “gone to sleep” or “passed away,” which can be confusing. It is also important to be honest about what has happened, rather than saying a pet has run away or been rehomed.
You can acknowledge that the feelings around the death of a pet are big and important. Even if others may not always understand, the loss of a pet can feel as painful as the death of a person.
When a pet is euthanised
Sometimes a vet may recommend euthanasia as the kindest option when a pet is very poorly and cannot get better. This is often described as “being put to sleep,” which can be confusing for children.
You can explain this in a clearer way:
- The pet is very ill and cannot get better, even with the vet’s help
- The vet gives them medicine that gently stops their body working
- This is not painful and means they do not suffer any more
It is important to explain that when this happens, the pet has died. They are not asleep, and we will not be able to see them again.
What might grief look like?
Children and young people understand death differently depending on their age and development.
Younger children may not fully understand what has happened. You might need to explain several times that the pet has died and will not come back. Using the same clear language each time can help. They may also notice changes in the home and need reassurance that people are sad because they miss the pet.
Older children and teenagers are more likely to understand that death is permanent. They may have more questions and stronger feelings. Listening carefully, acknowledging their emotions, and answering questions openly can really help.
Children and young people with additional needs or mental health difficulties may have had a particularly strong bond with their pet, and the loss may feel especially intense.
For some, the death of a pet can also bring up memories of other losses. It can sometimes feel easier or safer to express grief for a pet than for a person, especially if past relationships were complicated or difficult.
Supporting your child (and yourself)
It can help your child to see that you are sad too. This shows them that their feelings are natural and that it is okay to express them. Everyone in the family may grieve differently. Reactions will vary depending on age, personality, and the relationship they had with the pet. There is no right or wrong way to feel.
For many people, the loss of a pet is as painful as any other bereavement. Even if you do not fully understand the bond, recognising the loss and accepting each person’s response can make a big difference.
Remembering your pet
Pets do not usually have funerals in the same way people do, but many families find comfort in marking their pet’s life in their own way.
You might choose to:
- Have a small gathering, special outing, or shared meal
- Visit a place your pet loved, such as a favourite walk or spot in the garden
- Mark a special place with a plant or ornament
Pets often leave behind bowls, toys, leads, and other items. It can be helpful to decide together when and how these will be put away or passed on.
Some children and young people find it helpful to write a goodbye letter to their pet, sharing memories and what made them special. Others may want to keep a memory box with photographs, a favourite toy, or their letter inside.
A final thought
Pets can be incredibly important in our lives. They offer companionship, comfort, and a sense of safety. They listen without judgement and can feel like our most trusted friends.
After a pet has died, you might feel very sad, or you might not feel much at all. Both are okay. Everyone in your family may feel differently, and that is okay too.
Making time to listen to one another, while also giving space for individual feelings, can help you through this.
There is no one “right” way to grieve. What matters most is feeling supported, understood, and allowed to feel whatever you feel.
