Father’s Day when your child’s dad has died
Father’s Day can bring big feelings
Father’s Day can feel especially difficult when your child’s dad has died. There may be reminders everywhere—at school, in shops, or online. These can bring sudden feelings of sadness, anger, confusion, or worry.
Your child may feel pulled in different directions. They might want to remember their dad, while also feeling that it is too painful. Both of these feelings can exist at the same time.
As a parent or carer, you may feel unsure what to do or how best to support them.
There is no right or wrong way to approach this day. Every child and every family is different – however your child is feeling is valid.
Talking about Father’s Day
It can help to gently acknowledge that Father’s Day is coming. Children are likely to hear about it from others, so talking in advance can help them feel more prepared and less alone.
You might say:
- “Father’s Day is coming up. I’ve been wondering how you’re feeling about it.”
- “It might bring up lots of different feelings, and that’s okay.”
- “We can decide together what feels right this year.”
Some children may not want to talk straight away. Knowing the conversation is open can still be reassuring.
What can help:
- Choose a calm, unhurried moment
- Talk side by side (for example, on a walk or while doing something together)
- Keep things simple and go at your child’s pace
- Reassure them that all feelings are okay
Some children worry that if they don’t mark Father’s Day it means they don’t care. You can gently remind them that love is not measured by what they do on one day.
Taking the pressure off
It can feel like you should “do something” or make the day meaningful. You may also feel pressure from others. It’s okay to keep things simple.
You are allowed to:
- Make no plans at all
- Say no to invitations
- Change your mind on the day
If you do make a plan, try to keep it flexible. Let your child know you can adjust things if it feels too much. Grief does not follow a timetable. What feels right this year may change over time.
The first Father’s Day
The first Father’s Day after a death can feel especially hard. You may not know what the day will feel like until it arrives. You might choose a quiet day or decide to mark it in some way – either is okay.
Children often move in and out of their grief. They may play, laugh, and then suddenly feel very sad. This is a natural way of coping and does not mean they have forgotten. Over time many families find that the intensity of the day changes.
Ways to remember
If your child would like to mark Father’s Day, there are many gentle ways to do this.
You might:
- Do something their dad enjoyed
- Cook his favourite meal
- Watch a film or listen to music he liked
- Visit a place that holds happy memories
- Look at photos or create a memory book
- Write a card or letter and keep it somewhere special
- Plant something in his memory
- Spend quiet time together remembering
- Talk with friends or family who knew him
- Start a small family tradition
Your child may want to do something simple—or nothing at all.
Practical ways to support your child
Small, thoughtful steps can help children feel safer and more supported on the day.
Create a memory moment
- Share a favourite memory together
- Light a candle while remembering
- Write memories and place them in a jar
Build in comfort
- Create a cosy space with familiar items
- Include something that reminds your child of their dad
Plan for big feelings
- Agree a way your child can let you know if things feel overwhelming
- Have an “exit plan” if you are going somewhere
Model feelings
If your child sees you upset, you might say:
- “I’m feeling sad because I miss Dad. It’s okay to feel like this.”
This helps children understand that feelings come and go.
Keep routines
- Stick to familiar mealtimes and bedtime where possible
- Predictability can help children feel safe
Looking after yourself
However you spend the day, try to be gentle with yourself. You might remind yourself:
- It’s okay if your child doesn’t want to do anything
- It’s okay to keep things simple
- It’s okay if plans change
- It’s okay to have moments of laughter as well as sadness
Grief is a natural response to loss and there is no right or wrong way to do this.
