Returning to school after a bereavement
For many children, returning to school after someone has died can take some adjustment. After time away, settling back into routines may feel difficult at first. For some children, going back to school can feel like a relief. The structure of the school day can help them feel safe and contained, and being around familiar people and activities can be comforting. For others, returning to school may feel more challenging. Both experiences are completely normal.
Helping your child feel prepared
Taking time to prepare your child for their return to school can make a positive difference. You might find the following helpful:
Start conversations early
Talk with your child in advance about what they are looking forward to and what they might be worried about. Let them know you are listening and that their feelings are being taken seriously.
Make space for both worries and positives
You could help your child make a list of what feels good about going back to school, alongside anything they are concerned about. This can help prevent their thoughts focusing only on what feels difficult.
Support problem-solving
Go through their worries together and gently explore what might help.
Many children worry about:
- who knows about the death
- how to talk about it (or whether they want to at all)
- feeling overwhelmed by emotions in school
- or wanting everything to feel normal, without attention
There is no right or wrong way to feel about this, and different children will want different things.
Work with the school
Let the school know what has happened and how your child is feeling about returning. It can help if school staff use the same language as you at home.
Some families find it helpful to arrange a visit before the first day back, so their child can:
- see familiar spaces
- talk to a trusted member of staff
- understand what support is available
Prepare a simple ‘script’
Some children feel more confident if they have already thought about what they might say if someone asks questions. You can work together to find words they feel comfortable using, or to decide how they might respond if they don’t want to talk.
Things to look out for
Even if your child feels ready to return, you may notice some changes as they adjust.
Changes in sleep
Grief and change can be exhausting. Your child may seem more tired than usual, want more sleep, or find it harder to fall asleep.
Anger or frustration
Grief can show itself in different ways. Fear, sadness, and anxiety may come out as anger or conflict, both at home and at school.
Separation worries
After someone has died, some children become more anxious about being apart from the people they love. They may worry that something else could happen while they are away from you. If this happens, it can help to acknowledge their fears and talk together about what might help them feel safer and more reassured.
Ways your child can support themselves
As well as support from adults, there are small, practical things that can help children feel more in control.
Create a self-care box
This could include items your child finds comforting or calming, such as:
- a favourite toy
- something to fidget with
- photos or drawings
- relaxing activities
This can be useful after school, or before the day begins.
Make a safe space
A safe space might be:
- an imaginary “happy place” they can picture in their mind
- or a physical space at home with cushions, soft items, music, or favourite things
This gives them somewhere to go, mentally or physically, when feelings feel overwhelming.
Carry a pocket comforter
A small object, such as a pebble, fabric, or token, can be kept in a pocket or bag. Touching it during the day can be a quiet reminder of the people who care about them.
Use a ‘time out’ option
Many schools can offer a time out card or safe place where a child can go if they feel overwhelmed. It can help to agree in advance what this will look like and who they can go to.
Remember
Returning to school after someone has died can bring a mix of emotions. Some parts may feel comforting, while others feel hard. Children often move in and out of their feelings, managing everyday life while also experiencing moments of grief. This is a natural and healthy way of coping.
There is no right time to return, and no right way to feel about it. What matters most is that your child feels listened to, supported, and reassured that help is there when they need it.
