Zach’s Story
A few words from Suzanne, Zach’s mum
How are you? We get asked that a lot. There’s no easy answer, because the range of feelings you face when someone you love dies is huge. We have, in turns, been sideswiped, numb, angry, sad, anxious and… ok. Surprisingly ok. That is, in part, thanks to the fantastic support we have received from family, friends, colleagues, the footballing community, supporters – and SeeSaw.
SeeSaw is Oxfordshire’s children’s bereavement charity, free at point of use for families and professionals within the county. They have supported us as a family from diagnosis, through early bereavement and beyond.
We first made contact with them when Mick received a terminal diagnosis. Sadly for us, we had very little time from this point onwards to prepare.
We were completely overwhelmed and had no idea how to address this news with a child, or how honest to be. SeeSaw supported us to help our son Zach understand what was happening, and to prepare him for what was to come. Our SeeSaw worker encouraged us to communicate clearly with him at each step of the way to minimise any additional anxiety caused by uncertainty.
With SeeSaw, you knew you weren’t alone.
When Mick died, I spoke to our SeeSaw worker, who helped me understand Zach’s grief reactions and to think about how to recognise and support his bereavement needs. It was really reassuring to know that how he was reacting was ‘normal’.
We have really benefitted from SeeSaw’s experience and expertise – you can ask them anything and they will help you think through how to manage all kinds of different scenarios when dealing with your bereaved child as a grieving adult yourself. I’ve loved learning about different bereavement models, which have helped us both understand what grief can look and feel like over time.
We talked about how to liaise with school and how to manage the very public outpouring of grief – so many people knew and loved Mick, and wanted to show this publicly, it felt important to make sure Zach had support for events like this, and also to make space for him to grieve in private: Mick was many wonderful things to many people, but to Zach he was ‘Dad’.
It’s been great for Zach to get a chance to build a relationship with a SeeSaw worker in preparation for some memory work in future. Zach had this to say:
“SeeSaw are great because they help you when you need it and you can talk to someone that’s not family. I know they are always here for me if I need them. They listen to me and understand what I have been through and have been an amazing support for me and mum.”
SeeSaw have been invaluable – we wouldn’t have managed without them. I would encourage anyone facing terminal illness or bereavement to get in touch.
Please consider supporting this wonderful service by donating on their website, or by hosting a fundraising event of your own.
