Emotional regulation
Helping your child manage difficult emotions
When someone important has died, children and young people may experience strong feelings that can feel overwhelming. As a parent or carer, it’s natural to want to make things better. While we can’t take grief away, we can support children to understand their emotions and find ways to manage them.
These skills can help not only now, but also in the future—supporting emotional wellbeing, confidence, and resilience over time.
Understanding emotions
Self-regulation is not about stopping feelings. It is about learning how to manage them. All emotions are valid—even anger, fear, or confusion. These feelings are a natural response to loss.
Children vary in how easily they can recognise and express what they feel. Some may be able to talk about emotions, while others may show them through behaviour.
What helps:
- Naming feelings and giving them words
- Reassuring your child that emotions will change over time
- Letting them know all feelings are okay
Talking about feelings
Giving children space to talk can help them feel understood and less alone.
You might:
- Ask gentle, open questions like “What are you feeling today?”
- Listen more than you speak
- Avoid rushing to fix or explain
- Share your own feelings in a calm and reassuring way
For younger children, visual tools like emotion cards or faces can help them express how they feel.
Breathing and calming techniques
Simple breathing exercises can help children feel calmer when emotions feel big.
You could try:
- Belly breathing – placing a soft toy on their tummy and watching it rise and fall
- Finger breathing – tracing fingers while breathing in and out
- Box breathing – breathing in, holding, breathing out, and pausing in a steady rhythm
Practising these when your child is calm can make them easier to use in more difficult moments.
Mindfulness and imagination
Mindfulness can help children feel more grounded and safe.
You might:
- Encourage your child to imagine a place where they feel calm or happy
- Pair this with slow, steady breathing
- Use gentle guided exercises or apps if helpful
Some families find apps like Headspace, Calm, Smiling Mind, or Moshi supportive.
Movement, rhythm and music
Movement can be a helpful way for children to release emotions. Depending on their age, this might include:
- Dancing, stretching, or singing
- Playing music or using rhythm (clapping, drumming)
- Gentle yoga or physical activity
These activities can help children regulate their bodies as well as their feelings.
Creative activities and distraction
Taking a break from big feelings is important. Distraction can give children space to rest and reset.
You might offer:
- Drawing, colouring, or crafts
- Building or imaginative play
- Writing, journaling, or letters
- Reading or playing games
These activities can gently support expression while also bringing moments of calm.
Creating a calm toolbox
A calm toolbox is a collection of items that help your child feel soothed and safe.
You could include:
- A favourite soft toy or comfort item
- Photos or special keepsakes
- Colouring materials or small toys
- Fidget toys or sensory objects
- A notebook or journal
You might like to create this together, using a box or bag that is easy for your child to access when they need it.
Looking after yourself
Supporting a grieving child can feel demanding. Taking care of yourself matters too.
You can support your child by:
- Modelling calm and healthy ways of coping
- Taking breaks when you need them
- Reaching out for support from others
- Seeking professional help if things feel overwhelming
