Making effective use of support networks
Finding help and connection during illness and bereavement
Why support can feel hard to access
When facing change and challenge, we are often advised to “draw on your support networks”—but this can feel easier said than done.
Serious illness and bereavement can bring significant practical and emotional upheaval. Some families have strong support around them, while others may feel more disconnected from traditional networks than ever before.
At times like this, support may come from:
- Strengthening existing relationships
- Building new connections
- Rethinking how support works within your family
Asking for help can feel uncomfortable. You may be used to coping on your own, being the “helper,” or feeling in control. Changing roles can feel unfamiliar.
While we can’t always control what support is offered, we can begin to:
- Communicate what we need more clearly
- Set boundaries around what feels helpful
- Accept support in ways that feel manageable
Thinking about your support network
It can help to think about:
- Who is part of your support network
- Who supports your child or young person
These may overlap, but they may also be different. It is also important to remember that you and your child are key sources of support for each other.
Supporting your child or young person
Recognise their needs
Parents and carers are often the primary source of comfort and guidance. It can help to notice what has changed for your family—both practically and emotionally—and think about how you can stay connected.
This might include:
- Setting aside small moments to check in
- Reassuring your child that you are still there for them
- Balancing your own responsibilities with their need for support
Stay connected
It is natural to feel disconnected at times, especially when life feels busy or overwhelming. You can gently rebuild connection through simple, shared moments:
- Watching a favourite film
- Reading together
- Going for a walk
- Cooking or eating together
Talking about everyday things—and having moments of laughter—can help rebuild closeness and make space for deeper conversations over time.
Acknowledge their experience
Children may feel frustrated by the changes in their lives. Naming what you notice can help them feel seen and understood:
- “It seems like things feel really different at the moment”
- “I can see this is hard for you”
While we cannot take away their challenges, empathy can help them feel less alone.
Encourage peer support
Friends can offer children a sense of normality and connection.
You might:
- Encourage time with friends
- Support opportunities to meet, play, or connect online
- Gently remind your child that it’s okay to enjoy themselves
Some children may withdraw or seem more irritable. This is a common response to grief.
Involving others
If others are helping with care or routines, it can help to:
- Talk through who will be helping
- Ask your child about their preferences
- Explain what to expect
Knowing who they can turn to can reduce worry and build trust.
Accessing additional support
At times, extra support may be helpful.
This might include:
- School staff or pastoral teams
- Services such as Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services
- Bereavement organisations such as Cruse Bereavement Support or SeeSaw
Talking this through with your child can help them feel more comfortable and involved.
Supporting yourself
Recognise the changes
As a parent or carer, you may be managing many new responsibilities.
Taking on roles that were previously shared can feel overwhelming—whether that’s managing finances, household tasks, or caring responsibilities.
It can help to remember:
- You can do things differently
- There is no “right” way to manage everything
- Small adjustments can make a big difference
Accepting help
Making a simple list of tasks others could help with can be a useful starting point.
This might include:
- School runs or childcare
- Cooking or shopping
- Household tasks
- Practical jobs such as gardening or repairs
People often want to help but may not know how.
Setting boundaries
Support should feel helpful, not overwhelming.
You might say:
- “Thank you, I’m not able to take that up right now”
- “That’s kind—this would help us more at the moment”
You don’t need to explain everything. Clear, simple communication is enough.
Staying connected
Balancing time alone with time spent with others can help.
You might:
- Spend time with friends or family when it feels manageable
- Keep plans flexible
- Accept that you may need to cancel or change plans
Most people will understand.
Sharing the load
Support does not have to come from one place. A “shared” or “patchwork” approach—where different people help in different ways—can ease the pressure.
Children and young people can also take on small, age-appropriate responsibilities. This can support their growing independence and confidence.
Finding space and support
Having things to look forward to—even small ones—can help make time feel more manageable.
You might:
- Plan time with friends or family
- Create moments of rest or space for yourself
- Allow time apart as well as time together
You may also find it helpful to speak to someone outside your immediate circle.
This could include:
- Your GP
- A support organisation such as WAY Widowed and Young
- A counsellor or bereavement professional
Talking to someone neutral can offer space to reflect and feel heard.
