What can help

Every child is different, but there are some ways you can support them at different ages and stages.

0-5 years 6-12 years 13-18 years

0-5 years

Babies (0–2 years)

Babies do not understand death, but they notice absence and changes in care.

It can help to:

Keep routines as familiar and consistent as possible
Limit changes in caregivers, especially at key times
Use familiar smells, sounds, and comfort objects
Offer physical comfort, such as holding or wrapping them in familiar clothing

Toddlers (1–3 years)

Toddlers notice that someone is missing but do not understand what death means.

It can help to:

Offer lots of reassurance and physical comfort
Give simple, repeated explanations
Keep routines and boundaries consistent
Make time to play and relax together

Young children (3–5 years)

Children at this age may use language about death but not fully understand that it is permanent.

It can help to:

Give clear, simple explanations and repeat them as needed
Encourage others to use the same language
Talk about the person who has died using stories and photos
Stay physically and emotionally available where possible
Maintain routines and boundaries
Involve them in goodbye rituals, including funerals if appropriate
Make time for play and connection

6-12 years

Children aged 6–9 years

Children begin to understand more about death but may still feel confused or overwhelmed.

It can help to:

Maintain regular routines
Answer questions honestly and simply
Support them to name and express feelings
Use gentle prompts like:

“I wonder if you are feeling…”

Model your own emotions in a safe way
Offer reassurance and affection
Encourage normal activities and time for fun
Validate their feelings

Children aged 9–12 years

By this age, children usually understand that death is final. This can bring deeper emotions and worries.

It can help to:

Continue with routines and clear boundaries
Be honest and open in your answers
Normalise their grief reactions
Be available to listen
Talk about the person who has died
Model healthy expression of emotions
Encourage everyday activities and connection
Involve them in decisions about rituals or funerals if they wish

13-18 years

Adolescence is already a time of change. When someone important dies, it can bring a complex mix of emotions and behaviours. Teenagers understand that death is final. They may also grieve for future moments where the person will be missing.

What can help

Validation
- Reassure them that all feelings are valid
- Remind them there is no “right” way to grieve
- Support them to grieve in their own way
Honesty
- Be truthful about what has happened, in a way they can understand
- Allow time and space for questions
- Honest communication builds trust and reduces imagined fears
Communication
- Respect if they don’t want to talk straight away
- Let them know you are there when they are ready
- Listen without interrupting or trying to “fix” things
- Support them to talk to another trusted adult if needed

Choice and control
- Offer appropriate choices where possible
- Involve them in decisions about rituals or important events
- Avoid making assumptions about what they want
Expectations and boundaries
- Keep clear and consistent boundaries
- This helps young people feel safe and secure
- Be understanding of difficulties with concentration or organisation
- Work with school staff where needed
Modelling grief and self-care
- Let them see your feelings, alongside coping with daily life
- Encourage self-care and routine
- Support activities such as sport or creative outlets
You may also wish to access support from organisations such as Cruse Bereavement Support if needed.
Self-regulation
- Help them find ways to manage strong emotions
- Strategies such as breathing, movement, or creative expression can help
- These skills support both immediate coping and long-term resilience
Memory and connection
- Encourage ways to remember the person who has died
- Sharing memories can help maintain a sense of connection
- Creative activities and memory-making can be especially helpful

Request support

Request support from SeeSaw when someone has died.

Request form

Resources

Books and other resources to support children when someone has died.

View resources

Stories from families

Read stories from families supported by Seesaw Grief Support.

View stories

Email Us

Office: info@seesaw.org.uk
The office is open:
Monday – Friday
8:30am – 4:30pm

Fundraising:
fundraiser@seesaw.org.uk
Fundraising is open:
Monday – Thursday
8:30am – 4:30pm

Call Us

01865 744768

Our phone line is open:
Monday: 8:30am – 4:30pm
Tuesday: 8:30am – 4:30pm
Wednesday: 1:30pm – 4:30pm
Thursday: Closed
Friday: 8:30am – 1pm

Subscribe to our Newsletter

Find Us

SeeSaw, Bush House,
2 Merewood Avenue,
Oxford OX3 8EF

DONATE

Registered charity no: 1076321

Email Us

Office: info@seesaw.org.uk
The office is open:
Monday – Friday
8:30am – 4:30pm

Fundraising:
fundraiser@seesaw.org.uk
Fundraising is open:
Monday – Thursday
8:30am – 4:30pm

Call Us

01865 744768

Our phone line is open:

Monday: 8:30am – 4:30pm
Tuesday: 8:30am – 4:30pm
Wednesday: 1:30pm – 4:30pm
Thursday: Closed
Friday: 8:30am – 1pm

Subscribe to our Newsletter

Find Us

SeeSaw, Bush House, 2 Merewood Avenue,
Oxford OX3 8EF

DONATE

Registered charity no: 1076321