Mother’s Day when your child’s mum has died
A gentle guide for families
Mother’s Day can bring big feelings
Mother’s Day can feel especially hard if your child has lost their mum. In the lead-up to the day, you may notice reminders in shops, on television, or in conversations at school. These can bring sudden waves of emotion—sometimes called grief bursts—including sadness, anger, worry, or even numbness.
Your child may feel pulled in different directions. They might want to remember their mum, while also feeling that it could be too painful. Both of these feelings can exist at the same time.
As a parent or carer, you may feel unsure what to do. You might want to protect your child from pain or worry about getting things wrong.
There is no right or wrong way to approach Mother’s Day. Every child and every family grieves differently. However your child is feeling is normal.
Talking about Mother’s Day
It can be tempting to avoid the topic, but it’s not possible to pretend Mother’s Day isn’t happening. Children will hear about it at school or see it around them.
Talking about it in advance can help your child feel more prepared and less alone.
Children often value being asked how they feel about an upcoming day—even if they don’t say much at first. Knowing the conversation is open matters.
You might say:
- “Mother’s Day is coming up. I’ve been wondering how you’re feeling about it.”
- “It might bring up big feelings. All feelings are okay.”
- “We can decide together what feels right this year.”
Tips for starting the conversation
- Choose a time when you are not rushed
- Talk side by side—on a walk, in the car, or while doing something together
- Keep things simple and share information gradually
- Acknowledge that different feelings may come up—sadness, anger, relief, confusion
- Reassure your child that whatever they feel is okay
- Give them time to think and revisit the conversation later
Some children worry that not marking Mother’s Day means they don’t care. You can gently reassure them that this isn’t true. Love is not measured by what happens on one day.
Open communication helps children feel safe and shows them their thoughts matter.
Removing pressure
Special days can bring a sense of expectation—that your child should “do something” or appear to be coping in a certain way. You may also feel pressure from others about what the day should look like.
Try to focus on what feels manageable for your child and your family.
You are allowed to:
- Say no to invitations
- Keep plans small
- Change your mind on the day
Grief does not follow a timetable. It’s okay if this year feels different from next year.
If you do make a plan, keeping it simple and flexible can help your child feel safe. You might say:
“We’ll try this, and if it feels too much, we can change it.”
This reduces pressure and gives everyone a sense of control.
The first Mother’s Day
The first Mother’s Day after your child’s mum has died can feel especially raw. You may not know what to expect.
You might choose to have a quiet day, mark it in a meaningful way, or decide in the moment what feels right.
Children often move in and out of their grief. They might play, laugh, and then suddenly feel very sad. This is a natural and healthy grief response—it does not mean they have forgotten.
Just because something feels too hard this year does not mean it always will. Over time, many families find that the intensity changes.
Ideas for marking the day
If your child would like to acknowledge Mother’s Day, you might consider:
- Doing something their mum enjoyed
- Cooking her favourite meal
- Going for a walk somewhere meaningful
- Visiting her grave or another special place
- Looking at photos or watching a favourite film
- Writing a card or letter to her
Writing can be a helpful way for children to stay connected. Letters can be kept in a memory box or shared together.
Some families keep traditions, while others create new ones. Both are okay.
Practical ways to support your child
Create a memory moment
- Share one favourite memory each
- Light a candle and talk about her
- Make a small memory jar with written memories
Build in comfort
- Create a cosy space with blankets and favourite snacks
- Include something that reminds your child of their mum, such as a photo or item of clothing
Plan for big feelings
- Agree a quiet signal your child can use if they feel overwhelmed
- Have a simple “exit plan” if you are attending a gathering
Model feelings
If your child sees you feeling upset, it can help to name it:
“I’m crying because I miss Mum. It’s okay to cry when we feel sad.”
This helps children understand that feelings come and go, and that all feelings are okay.
Keep routines in place
- Eat meals at usual times
- Keep bedtime predictable
Familiar routines can help children feel safe and grounded, even on difficult days.
Looking after yourself
However you spend Mother’s Day, try to be kind to yourself.
It may help to remember:
- It’s okay if your child doesn’t want to do anything this year
- You don’t need to feel guilty for keeping things simple
- Taking the day moment by moment is enough
- There can be laughter as well as tears
- It’s okay if things don’t go to plan
Grief is a natural and normal response when someone important has died. There is no right or wrong way to do this.
A gentle reminder
You are not alone.
With time, care, and the right support, children and families can begin to grow around their grief and find ways to carry love and memories forward.
