How to talk to children when someone is dying
Telling a child / young person someone is dying
Choosing to tell a child that somebody they love is going to die may feel like an overwhelming task that goes against all of our protective instincts. However, there are long-term benefits for the children which outweigh any short-term gain of trying to protect them by either concealing what we know or avoiding the conversation.
This conversation is naturally extremely difficult but with support and preparation, it is possible to share this information and begin to plan and prepare for what happens next.
There is rarely a ‘right’ time to share difficult news, but it can help to choose a time when you feel as calm and prepared as possible. Think about what you want to say, where the conversation will take place, and what support and comfort you can offer afterwards.
Choose a quiet, private space where you are unlikely to be interrupted. Where possible, it can help for the family to be together when children are told that someone is dying. It is also important that the adults involved in caring for the children understand what has been shared so they can respond consistently to questions and offer support.
Children benefit from knowing there are no secrets and that they can talk openly with trusted adults about their worries, thoughts and feelings. If possible, avoid having these conversations just before school, activities or bedtime. Allow time afterwards for questions, reassurance and being together as a family. This helps children see that strong emotions can be shared safely while everyday life continues around them.
It can also help to begin by asking children what they already understand about what is happening. This gives you the opportunity to gently correct misunderstandings before sharing more information. If there are children of different ages in the family, it is often best to explain things in a way the youngest child can understand, with further conversations and more detailed information offered to older children afterwards if needed.
